traces

My past scares me. I don’t like who I used to be, and whenever I interact with someone from my past, I cringe to think what they might think of me.

I am faced looking at an old friend, I think we were friends. We were teammates. I recall years ago before my accident messaging them but they never replied. Or at least I thought I messaged them, but I can’t find the message after all these years.

I’ve had more of these interactions over the past few years. Interactions with people from my past; when I was a different person. It’s unnerving. I’m unsure if it will ever not be.

And even as I write this, a different friend from my past has reached out. This second friend I do recall some things. I recall being ghosted, and I do not recall what I did to deserve that.

Of course, none of these friends are from the cult. My closest friends from another lifetime continue to exile me. Who knew forever only lasts until you quit drinking the juice.

That doesn’t bother me though, I know my worth.