insulated

6 months.

6 months I was led to believe that I had a potentially serious health complication while I awaited someone smart enough to look at my scan and disillude the fragility of my existence. I got myself worked up, stressed, anxious, over someone’s mistake.

I am happy with this outcome over the alternative, but I hate the conditions that exist in our healthcare system that made this happen in the first place. I wish that seeing any kind of doctor didn’t take months and that it wasn’t a gamble if they’ll even care about you as a patient (as opposed to the corporate metrics they’re forced to serve), or that they’ll know what’s wrong with you. Instead the reality is it seems so impersonal and you’re just shoved off to someone else’s garden where the cycle will, inevitably, repeat.

But, I’m alive. And for the foreseeable future I will continue to be alive.

I do regret that this consumed my headspace for so long though– That I devoted energy on making myself worse instead of doing good.