define

When I was younger I recall listening to music for hours late into the night to feel something. I’d search for the perfect song that would resonate with me. And I did find songs that resonated with me, some songs which have impacted me for decades. Since starting this experiment I’ve been thinking about how I haven’t had the time to do that anymore. I haven’t had time to stand still.

I wish I had the time to do that again. I had a fleeting thought that maybe this is a good thing that I don’t have the time – I’m no longer looking at media to tell me how to feel. Searching for songs to resonate with me was inherently relying on songs to tell me how to feel or how to process my situation. Now I just have me and my own thoughts. I can process things in my own way – on my own terms.

The problem with this fleeting thought is that I think it oversimplifies the relationship between art and an audience. It also exaggerates the influence art has on someone. Does art, including music, that resonates with me invoke new feelings or does it help me process feelings that I already have? I’d like to think that it doesn’t invoke new feelings that were previously nonexistent.

It’s interesting to think about, and I don’t claim to have all the answers. I think music will always have importance in my life which could be a topic for a future entry – specifically the usage in connecting memories.

But at the same time I don’t need to create the soundtrack to my own life as I’m living it. At least not to the extent of spending hours each day listening to music to feel something. I just want to live.